Friday, 5 December 2008

Thailand Two...

My body is doing everything it can to tell me it’s time to close down for a holiday and I’m considering myself lucky that we’ve only got one week of school left… Truthfully, I’m not entirely sure that this is a time of the year/exhaustion thing. My brain often goes into an unforeseen meltdown.

I still chuckle when I use ‘bear’ or ‘bare’ thanks to Calistro’s question a while back. And I seem to remember Spiral’s confession that she hadn’t noticed having characters called ‘Kit’ and ‘Kat’ in her wip. (Hope I’m not misquoting too horribly – for non UK folk Kit e Kat is a brand of cat food.)

In my opening scenes, my main character has come home for her father’s funeral. She has sat away from her mother and sister at the back of the church. In front of her is a pillar and she sees her sister only very briefly as she stands to deliver a poem to the congregation. My brain knew what I wanted to say … it trawled through its choice of words … and well, it came reasonably close:

‘“When Pa learned of his illness,” her disembowelled voice filled the church through the microphone …’ Really, it took me quite some minutes to work out that I wanted a ‘disembodied’ voice and most certainly not the mess of a ‘disembowelled’ one. That would've made for an entirely different genre...

Today’s subject then is some light relief. Come on… whack ‘em out of the table: it’s time to ‘fess up to those funnies.

25 comments:

Debs said...

Love disembowelled (and Kit & Kat).

I can't think of any funnies for me - not because there aren't any, but because I'm not quite awake yet.

In my first book, I called a character 'Alex' and his grandson, 'Alexander', then realized that it wasn't such a good idea, so did an auto name change, amending 'Alex' to 'Ken'.

The result was that I had hundreds of 'Kenanders' through the damn book.

Flowerpot said...

I love the disembowelled voice - think it's much more evocative! the first one that comes to mind isn't actually me but it always makes me laugh. I was doing a writing course andthe tutor said, "next week we're going to write about SEX." A friend of mine said, completely without thinking, "well, that'll make us all come..." There was a moment's complete silence before we all collapsed!

Captain Black said...

Aren't we having drinks served this week. Humph, I'll get my own then.

Here's an extract from my blooper reel...

From Asteroid/The Longest Day: "I pull the duvet tighter around me and push out a series of groaning pants, until the sparkling swirls of colour dwindle away". I groaned myself when I read that again. Caroline J's comment was: This had me imagining a stream of brightly coloured y-fronts emerging from under the duvet, knotted together like a clown's handkerchiefs!

LOL at Flowerpot's story. Most of my "squidge" scenes are totally cringe-worthy. And no, I'm not putting them up here.

KitKat is also a kind of chocolate bar.

This is a good post. We should do more like this.

CC Devine said...

I love this especially as I'm feeling sickly again (yawn, how crap can one girl's immune system be?!) and your post JJ and amusing comments have cheered me up no end!

Currently I've got brain fug and year end melt down I can't think of any specific examples off the top of my head but know that there have been lots in my wip. I also had the whole auto name change that Debs mentioned - it was a nightmare!

I have so much resonance with this post as suffer from foot-in-mouth-itis at the best of times so am often inadvertently dropping clangers like Flowerpot's friend! Otherwise I'm prone to getting my sayings and expressions wrong with amusing results for those listening but less so for me especially if I'm trying to look professional at work but then who am I trying to kid ;)

Lane said...

Still laughing at Flowerpot's friend:-)

Can't think of any specific examples although my drafts are always littered with homophone errors like some poor illiterate. Oh and I did have a woman called Anna just about to marry a chap whose surname was Summers which is a bit too similar to the UK sex shop chain).

Thanks JJ. Just what we need on this rather grey day:-)

Lazy Perfectionista said...

Great post JJ! I'm at work (shh!) so don't have anything non-medical I've written with me, so no bloopers unfortunately. I'm sure I have lots though.

On a similar theme to Flowerpot's friend, I once came across a French girl who insisted that it was possible (in English) to proclaim your intentions of attending a performance by saying 'I'll be coming AT the concert tonight.' We made sure we never sat near her, just in case...

JJ said...

Oh deary me. You've all made me laugh. Keep 'em coming...

Leatherdykeuk said...

DK was galley-proofing 'An Ungodly Child' whe he noticed that every instance of one fruit was mis-spelled: 'Pomegrenade'.

Exploding pips, anyone?

NoviceNovelist said...

JJ I share your end of year brain meltdown - I need to lie on the sofa for about a week with an endless supply of champagne and chocaltes and some cherry xmas movies - then I'll be fine! Can't think of any writing bloopers at present but I was in a 'serious' work meeting this week and blurted out 'hairy left ball' instead of 'curve ball.' My tired brain obviously couldn't work out whether to say 'out of left field' or 'curve ball' so invented it's own hybrid metaphor. To say I blushed beetroot colour is an understatament - there was silence then much laughter!!! I retreated back to my desk - too terrified to speak at anyone for fear of what else would emerge!!!!

Lazy Perfectionista said...

That's just reminded me of the most hilarious meeting I ever attended. We were having problems with a client who wouldn't tell us exactly what they wanted, and as a solution one of my colleagues said, 'We just need to tie them down with some really tight briefs!'

Zinnia Cyclamen said...

For me it's typos. I'm fairly accurate most of the time but for some reason I always seem to render 'brain' as 'brian', which often produces gigglesome results. And I am completely incapable of typing the word 'account' quickly without transposing the second 'c' and the 'o', which is very unfortunate!

Fiona said...

This is a great topic JJ.
Where to start? I will be brave and put my worst one:

'She opened her hymen book.'

Still makes my arm pits prickle:(

Kate.Kingsley said...

LOL at 'Hairy left ball'!

For some reason, whether rogue fingers or something a little more Freudian, I am forever mistyping 'like' as 'lick'. My characters are forever licking one another...

Maybe this is the universe's way of telling me I should be writing in the 'adult' genre... ;-)

ChrisH said...

I've enjoyed reading everyone's howlers but can't think of a single contribution - I blame trying to catch up with OU work and doing too many exercises at once. Sorry, but thanks to everyone else for making me laugh.

Rowan Coleman said...

Hello all, this is a great topic! What much needed light relief. I am not a Christmas person, I am even less of a Christmas person than usual this year - If I had a catch phrase it would be bar - humbug...ANYWAY bloopers well I named two sister Bella and Izzy - both a abbreviation of Isabelle, no-one ever noticed or mentioned it although I do have a back story should it ever come up. Both characters are also in a sequel due out in March. I wish I had something funnier and fun to tell you but I don't. Maybe because I am a miserable Christmas eshewer ( can one be an eshewer?)

Rowan Coleman said...

Hello all, this is a great topic! What much needed light relief. I am not a Christmas person, I am even less of a Christmas person than usual this year - If I had a catch phrase it would be bar - humbug...ANYWAY bloopers well I named two sister Bella and Izzy - both a abbreviation of Isabelle, no-one ever noticed or mentioned it although I do have a back story should it ever come up. Both characters are also in a sequel due out in March. I wish I had something funnier and fun to tell you but I don't. Maybe because I am a miserable Christmas eshewer ( can one be an eshewer?)

Rowan Coleman said...

Hello all, this is a great topic! What much needed light relief. I am not a Christmas person, I am even less of a Christmas person than usual this year - If I had a catch phrase it would be bar - humbug...ANYWAY bloopers well I named two sister Bella and Izzy - both a abbreviation of Isabelle, no-one ever noticed or mentioned it although I do have a back story should it ever come up. Both characters are also in a sequel due out in March. I wish I had something funnier and fun to tell you but I don't. Maybe because I am a miserable Christmas eshewer ( can one be an eshewer?)

Clare Sudders said...

I'm sure I've made tons of similar errors but have brain like a sieve and can't think of 'em offhand, so will tell you what happened to me this morning instead...

I was woken by a noise outside, went to the window wearing nothing but T shirt, saw an empty car parked outside house, with driver's door open. Thought the driver must be standing on either my doorstep or next door neighbour's. Was standing right up against window, craning neck, trying to see. Suddenly realised the man who works in the DIY shop across the road was standing in the street waving at me. Was mortified and instead of waving back, ducked back behind curtain. Then felt very silly. Thought I should have at least waved back. Still wanted to know whose car it was but was too embarrassed to open curtain again. Tried to peep through crack but DIY man was still there and I think he saw me and I felt even sillier. Finally looked again after he'd gone, but the car had gone too. Then phone rang. It was a friend, saying she'd just popped a card through the door and left a present on the doorstep, and I finally realised that DIY man had been trying to tell me there was someone leaving parcel on doorstep! Doh!

KAREN said...

Some very funny comments there - I can't compete :o)) The only blooper that springs to mind was when I called two sisters Lizzie and Beth. D'oh!

Great post :o)

Clare Sudders said...

Thought of another, although wasn;t exactly me. I was once a member of an online group for writrers run by rather a po-faced woman who got all uppity whenever anyone was anything other than serious. It was called the "Writers' Exchange" and its url was writersexchange.yahoo.com. I delighted in chatting to myself about the "writer sex change" until she noticed it and changed the name of the group. Spoilsport.

wordtryst said...

These made me laugh!

The brain meltdown must be pandemic - been fighting it for awhile now. Maybe I'll just give in and stare at a wall for a week or so. And I'm a Christmas eschewer too, Rowan. Fuss, fuss, fuss... Every year I dream of taking off with a pile of books and leaving it all behind.

I'm sure I've lots of bloopers to my name, but the only one I can think of is the time my critique partner was reading through the manuscript of my second novel, which I'd edited and proofed until I was certain it was squeaky clean, and somewhere in the middle he stopped and asked me very politely:

"Um, who's Shari?"
"She's the girl from the first book! Don't you remember?"


I grabbed the page and there she was, cavorting with my new hero with absolutely no shame. Still can't believe my eyes ran over that so many times and never saw it.

Un Peu Loufoque said...

I am sure my malapropisms are many but can not remember them today.. however I have suddenly woken in the night to realise I can not remember ANY of my characters names.. I thought I was developing altzimers, it was like forgetting your family!

Un Peu Loufoque said...

ps I meant to say I LOVE the disembowled voice!!!

Calistro said...

Ooops - got here a bit late and can't remember any bloopers. Bit rubbish really.

Did LAUGH at 'hairy left ball' though - that's brilliant! If that was in a piece of fiction I'd never believe it could happen.

And Rowan - am currently reading the book you mention and didn't notice the Isabelle thing! Loving it by the way and was curious if there'd be a follow on book. And there is - hooray :o)

Like Zinnia I often make the brain and brian mistake. I also have a problem writing the word Cornwall. I ALWAYS write Cornwally! I think it's because my name starts with a C and has an 'lly' at the end!

I don't have a funny writing related anecdote but I did once make my mum laugh until she cried when we went on an underwater 'submarine' ride at DisneyWorld Florida.

"Oooh look Mum," I shouted excitedly pointing at one of the port holes. "That octapus is touching the window with its testacles!"

I meant tentacles of course. I blame the sex education classes we'd just started having a school!

B said...

I'll see you a 'Kenander' and raise it by a story I heard once (not me, I can't remember any of mine right now) about someone who changed their main character's name from David to something else by means of autoreplace. Only remembered after sending it off that Michaelangelo's statue 'David' had been mentioned....